A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.”
The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The man said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.”
The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.”
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that.
You didn’t put any money in the poor box!” The man replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”
Bonus storie
Nowadays, it seems that everyone is easily offended by everything. What’s most, many people object the idea that someone else could be right and that they could be wrong. Sadly, there are opinionated people all around us.
The following joke involves two people who have different beliefs and how they handle that. This is going to make you laugh.
A religious woman, upon waking up each morning would open her front door, stand on the porch, and scream, “Praise the Lord.”
This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, “There is no Lord.”
One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food. Thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch.
The next morning the lady screamed, “Praise the Lord, who gave me this food.”
The neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed, “It wasn’t the Lord, it was me.”
The lady without missing a beat screamed,
“Praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!“
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